Blessed Singlehood

So I had an idea to draft this blog post back in September, but for whatever reason, the post did not get off the ground until today. Why today? Well, in part to a couple of reasons, some personal things that I cannot talk about on this blog, and today's chapel speaker. This semester, Bruxy Cavey, the teaching pastor at The Meeting House in Canada, has visited a few times for chapel both common chapels, alternate chapels, and freshmen elective chapels. Oh, er, I mean first year elective chapels. Anyway, he's a pretty neat speaker - very different from most of the other speakers I have heard at chapel, not to mention pretty different from most pastors I know. He's not afraid to talk about stuff that many Christians would not. Which is weird but cool.

On to the content. One of the last things he talked about in the chapel today was how marriage and singlehood are GIFTS. As a single, college-aged Christian girl, I admit that it is difficult sometimes to walk around campus, when the cherry trees are in bloom, waving their wispy pink branches all around and causing a flower-storm, and see the various couples walking hand-in-hand. One of my close friends just started dating a guy she's known for a couple months, and it's cute to see them together (all the time...) and hold hands. Add to that the infamous "Ring by Spring!" mantra that is repeated time and time again (jokingly, of course), and sometimes there is a little longing for someone of the opposite gender to come alongside you in your life journey.

That's not altogether a bad thing. God made us, as humans, to desire relationships, and to desire relationships with the opposite sex. Genesis 1:26-28 acknowledges this. We are made male and female in God's image. We can learn something from each other. And together, we reflect the image of God. Other things go along with that, like marriage and increasing in number, but we are made to be in relationship. The problem is when you make an idol of it.

When I was little, I spent an infinite amount of hours playing with my Duplos, Poly Pockets, Barbies (don't judge me - you know you played with them too, even if it was just popping their heads off), and who knows what else, pretending that I was the girl and that I was married and having children. Don't believe me, ask my sister. When I started writing creatively, some of my first stories revolved around a husband and wife raising a family together. Not only my first stories... my stories for a long time reflected that (and still do to an extent).

I dreamt about it for a long time. But at one point, someone pointed out to me that I was spending so much time thinking about the future, that I wasn't resting in the here and now. I was making an idol out of this dream life. No, I didn't dream the stereotypical white picket fence with roses lining or whatever it is, but I did dream of holding babies and being the mommy. I spent so much time thinking about the future, I was not enjoying the present. I wasn't enjoying being single.

This morning, Bruxy mentioned that several married couples he has counseled have said that they wished they were single again, without the responsibilities of running a household. Hey, I wish I could go back to being a kid, when I didn't need to worry about stuff and could just run around outside, go play in the creek, pretend I was fighting dragons or whatever. They say the grass always seems greener on the other side. For some, marriage looks more idyll than singleness. And for those who are married, the reminder of singleness makes them long for days long ago. Those who are old wish they were young, and children dream of being adults.

Stop! We must stop this! We must stop dreaming in the future or reliving the past. The present is here, now, and it is a GIFT! We say "singleness is a gift," but for some reason we belittle singleness, pointing towards marriage as the end. So for those who are single, be single! For those who are married, be married! Enjoy where you are right now because you'll never be in that same place ever again.

The following is an entry from my journal, March 30, 2011, as I was learning about contentment and giving up dreams. I hope the words teach you something in your own journey.

"How shall I go on? I must go on in patience, in contentment with the present. For the present is a gift, and I should not waste it by continually hoping for the future. I must learn to live day by day, so I do not waste myself by pining for my dreams."

And another from June 15 of the same year:

"Long ago, the Lord gave a girl a dream. She accepted it as any other - with joy and fervor and thanksgiving. She cherished the dream, holding it close and praying the Lord would bring it to fruition.
But then, once the girl had fallen in love with the dream, the Lord asked for it back. Didn't he give her this dream so it would come to fruition? But then the Lord asked if she trusted him. How could she deny it? So, heart breaking and tears flowing, she gave it back. It hurt, so much, but once she had come to terms with it, she found incredible freedom.
What became of the dream? She still remembered it, still hoped for it, but she did not allow it to take control. She will not, not with the Lord of Lights as her guide."


I guess the point I'm really trying to encourage is contentment. "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12). Whether I am single or married. "But godliness with contentment is great gain..." (1 Timothy 6:6).

Shalom.