It seems crazy, but it's really not.

Much going on. Applied for my visa, started packing, began working on the new Israel blog. It'll look great soon, and I'll post the link for that very soon. My cousins are in from Hong Kong, so we've been over at my grandparent's house hanging out with them. We've watched a lot of Doctor Who, which I have fallen in love with. Fantastic show. Will talk more about it at some point later. Got my dad into Doctor Who too. Heh. Nearly finished painting the room. Some friends are coming in from Washington soon to visit, and I haven't seen them in... 2 years or so. Minus Skype calls. :)

I added little stickies to my computer keyboard so I can type in Hebrew without puzzling over which key is which. *grin* Summer classes are almost finished, just a project and an exam left.

This post is rather short, because it's been a while since I posted, but I'm spending most of my energy considering some rather deep things that, frankly, I should have dealt with before now. Prayer for that would be fantastic. I may write an ambiguous blog post about it later; we'll see. Depends on how well this goes in the meantime.

שלום
Sarah

Let it go, and let it be

It seems that recently, the future has been taunting me. It has been out there saying, "Haha, Sarah! You can't catch me!" I can't catch the future, true, but the point is that I have been thinking a lot about the future.

I don't know the future (surprise, surprise), so I rarely step out and say specifically that I want to be somewhere in the future. But sometimes I have to do that. For instance, I had to think ahead when I declared my major, and when I decided on a minor. I had to think ahead in choosing my school.

But now, I've had to think ahead in where I might want to live. What? That's crazy, I say. I barely know what I want to do. I don't know who I'm going to marry. How can I think about that? Because it's not just about me.

I'm not going to go into all the details, and that's not why I came here for. When I started looking into how far certain jobs were to this place, I felt myself go into overdrive, and became completely overwhelmed.

Lord, this is crazy stuff. What shall I do?
Never mind. Let it go, and trust me.
But, God, I don't know what to do!
I said to stop worrying about it and to trust me.
But...
Dearest, let go. You are not strong enough to go through this. Let me do it instead. Don't you trust me?
Well, yes, but...
Then listen to me and do what I'm asking. Stop worrying. Don't be overwhelmed.
I don't want to let anyone down.
Don't worry about that.

And when the waves crash over me and I sigh heavily, trying to hold passion back, He comes and pokes me gently saying, "Let it go. Trust me. I've got your back. We can get through this together. You're not alone."

Let it go, and let it be.

Surely the God of all creation knows what He is doing. Surely He has plans for good and not for harm. Surely He knows our hearts and what we desire most.

That doesn't make giving it all up any less easy. It doesn't mean viewing the future won't make us shudder in fear. It means that when we shudder in fear or pain, He is with us, trying to help us let go and let Him be in charge. :)

"When you pass through the waters, I am there. You are mine."

Birds fly, some return

A couple weeks ago, I subscribed to a blog called "Embrace Grace." It's a ministry for young pregnant mothers in the church, and it provides them with a community and mentors to be with them through the journey of pregnancy and either adoption or mommyhood. I bring this up because this morning, the post began with a lovely quote by Bishop TD Jakes that really struck me hard:

"There are people who can walk away from you, and hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you; or staying attached to you. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who left."

Wow. I've heard the analogy of "Like a bird, if it returns to you, it's yours, but if it doesn't, it never was" but this is more concrete than birds flying.

"Let them walk..." This must be the hardest part. When someone becomes so close to me, I want to cling them close, but that's not what I should do. We should hold them in open hands, so that if they choose to go, they may.

I've tried to convince someone to stay several times. That actually made them push away and leave more than ever.

Can I say I've learned my lesson? I hope. I hope that those I love now stick around because they really love me. I hope that I stick around for those whom I love. And I hope that if the time comes for them to fly off, that I can let them fly.

Will you let them fly too? If you don't, you'll never know if they were meant to return...

Notice

It has come to my attention that some of you wanting to comment cannot. As in, you type up your comment nice and pretty, click publish, and then it disappears into oblivion.

I have not forgotten you! This evening I sat down with a friend, equipped with Skype, Firefox, Internet Explorer, and tabs of Blogger, Troubleshooting Blogger, and Keith Green (what? Gotta listen to something. :D). And... I think we figured it out. Maybe.

I think it's a third party cookie issue. So if you have disabled third party cookies, you will need to enable them. Another possible solution from my end I believe I have fixed, so if you could kindly (patiently!) try some test comments. Let me know in the comment what you're trying. And if you can't post, please email me at sarah.chayil@gmail.com This is a special email I made just for you all! :)

So please leave a comment, send me an email, help me figure out what's going on with this!

Thanks,
Sarah